Hey Reader,

There’s a certain kind of energy that appears while preparing for something that’s high-stakes. You’re doing all the work. You’re familiar with the process, and still there’s this knot in your stomach whenever you think about the big moment.

Somehow, no matter how much you prepare, there’s always something that you second-guess. The version of yourself that could handle everything effortlessly just doesn’t seem to appear.

I don’t think there’s a single leader who hasn’t been in that situation before. And when it happens, especially years into your career, the shame can sit with you for a while. We agonize over the fact that “we should be past this.” But no one is immune to pressure, no matter how far along you are in your career.

I’ve certainly had those moments. Early on in my career, some of the highest-pressure situations were when we pitched to potential clients, often competing against other firms. During one of my first pitches alone as a senior manager, I was overrun with nerves. Some of our team’s biggest goals that year depended on securing this client. This was one of the first times I was pitching without a senior partner to lean on. I wanted to do a great job.

Partway through the pitch, the client started asking questions about our pricing. I remember relaxing a little, thinking we'd made it past the toughest part.

…I completely misread the situation.

I was so nervous about trying to get things right that I missed what was in front of me. I thought the client was starting to come on board with us. In reality, she was actually pushing back.

I've thought about that a lot since. That day taught me a lot about what pressure and nerves tell us about the work we’re doing. We often think of them as bad signals we need to cover up as soon as possible. We need to show how smart, skilled, and confident we are instead. And because we become so focused on appearing perfect, we accidentally start a loop of nerves and perfectionism that puts even more pressure on ourselves.

In truth, those feelings are proof that what we’re doing is important to us. Something worth knowing is that nerves and excitement are physiologically almost identical. Think about it: in both situations, your heart races, you become hyper-aware, and you’re caught in anticipation. The difference is how we interpret the signal. Most of us have been trained to treat those nerves as a blaring warning sign. But we get to choose to see it as a positive. Whether we “win” or “lose” can depend on how we view things.

The other thing about nerves is that they don’t ever fully go away, no matter how long you’ve been doing great work or how senior you become (case in point, that pitch incident happened over 15 years ago and I still remember it). I’ve seen brilliant partners who are great at selling who still get nervous sometimes. Through trying again and again, they’re able to block out the noise, remain present, and read the signals that help them catch the nuances in a room.

The leaders who can do that confidently also have one more trait in common:

They’re not afraid of learning from losing.

To be successful in anything you hope to do (professional or personal), you have to be comfortable with the idea of learning from your setbacks. Whenever you face a loss, it’s going to sting at first. But what I’ve found is that going back in and asking for the honest feedback eventually makes you feel more capable of navigating those high-stake moments.

The nerves don't go away. But over time, you build a different relationship with them. You start to recognize them not as a sign that something is wrong, but as a sign that you've done this before and come out the other side. You stack the evidence. And slowly, that becomes the thing you reach for in the room. Not the absence of nerves, but the knowledge that you've earned the right to be there.

What's the high-stakes moment you're carrying right now? Hit reply. I read every message.

P.s The human side of leadership is something I've built my keynote around. If that's a conversation you'd like to bring to your organization, you can find out more by clicking the banner below.